Family relationships, especially between a wife and mother, can be sensitive. In many households, either the wife or the mother may speak about the other in her absence. But is that considered backbiting (ghibah) in Islam? This post explores the Islamic view with practical examples, helping you maintain a peaceful and respectful family life.
What is Backbiting in Islam?
Backbiting is defined in the Qur’an and Hadith as mentioning something about a person in their absence that they would dislike—even if it's true.
Allah says:
“Do not backbite one another. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would detest it.”
— (Qur'an, 49:12)
So, even truthful statements about someone’s faults become sinful if said behind their back without a valid reason.
When Is It NOT Backbiting?
Islam allows certain exceptions if the intention is good — like seeking justice, advice, or resolving a conflict. Here's how this applies between a wife and mother:
✅ Example 1 – Not Backbiting (Permissible):
Wife says:
“I felt really hurt when your mother scolded me in front of others. Can you help me talk to her about it?”
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Why allowed: She’s expressing pain and seeking resolution, not insulting.
Mother says:
“Your wife didn’t greet me. Maybe she’s upset with me? Can you ask her if something’s wrong?”
-
Why allowed: She’s concerned and wants understanding, not to accuse.
When It IS Backbiting
If either side complains to you just to blame, insult, or express anger without any intention to fix — that is clear backbiting.
❌ Example 2 – Backbiting (Haram):
Wife says:
“Your mom is so controlling. I can’t stand her. She ruins everything.”
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Why haram: Pure complaint without purpose.
Mother says:
“Your wife is rude and disrespectful. I never liked her manners.”
-
Why haram: Insulting, not trying to resolve.
What Should You Do as a Husband or Son?
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Encourage direct, respectful communication.
Tell both: “Please talk to each other and solve the issue. I’ll help if needed, but not talk behind anyone’s back.” -
Set boundaries with love.
Say: “Let’s not speak about each other in the absence. It may lead to sin and misunderstandings.” -
Promote forgiveness and overlook minor faults.
Remind them: “The strong person is the one who controls anger and forgives for Allah’s sake.”
Conclusion
Even if backbiting is common in homes, Islam teaches us to rise above it. Protecting your tongue from gossip is part of taqwa (God-consciousness). If you’re caught between your mother and wife, be a just peacemaker—not a silent listener to backbiting.
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.”
— (Bukhari & Muslim)
Want more Islamic family tips like this?
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