Marriage today faces unprecedented challenges—especially for men striving to build careers and establish themselves before committing to lifelong companionship. This shift has transformed marriage from a sacred, mutual growth journey into a transactional arrangement for many, leading to emotional disconnect and rising divorce rates. Understanding this dynamic is crucial to navigating life and faith in the modern world.
The Changing Role of Marriage in Society
Traditionally, marriage was seen as a partnership of shared struggle, growth, and spiritual companionship. Today, many men focus on career stability first, often postponing marriage until their 30s or beyond. Women increasingly prefer established men who offer financial security and comfort, avoiding the uncertainties of early hardship.
This shift often reduces marriage to a social or functional step—a means to companionship, family, or status—rather than an emotional and spiritual bond. The result is:
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Declining emotional investment
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Weakened commitment
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Easier recourse to divorce
The Prophet Muhammad (ï·º) emphasized marriage as a foundation for tranquility, love, and mercy (Qur’an 30:21), yet many miss this depth today.
Spiritual Growth and Timing
Men in their 20s and early 30s often undergo intense personal and spiritual development. By the time they achieve career stability (30–35), many have built their inner spirituality independently. This leads to:
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Marriage feeling more functional than spiritual
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Reduced desire for emotional or spiritual companionship
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Potential emotional disconnect when marrying much younger women, who are often just beginning their own life journeys
As you observed, an 18-year-old woman and a 35-year-old man rarely share equal emotional or spiritual footing, complicating deep connection.
The Scarcity of Compatible Partners Near One’s Age
Women aged 30–34 who remain unmarried and are spiritually and emotionally mature are relatively rare. Many have married earlier, focus on careers, or carry emotional baggage, reducing the pool of potential partners seeking genuine, growth-oriented marriages.
This scarcity highlights the value of early marriage where both partners grow together, sharing struggles and faith.
The Middle Path: Islam’s Guidance
Islam advocates a balanced approach—neither rushing nor endlessly delaying marriage. The Quran and Sunnah emphasize:
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Fulfilling natural desires halal through marriage (Qur’an 24:32)
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Patience and trust in Allah’s timing (Qur’an 2:286)
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Avoiding sin in any form, while recognizing human nature and needs
Practical Steps Forward
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Strengthen Your Faith
Focus on worship, dua, and Quran to build resilience during testing years. -
Seek Halal Marriage Early
Don’t delay waiting for “perfect readiness.” A sincere, faith-driven partner willing to share your journey is better than loneliness or temptation. -
Balance Desire and Patience
Recognize natural needs but channel them productively—through worship, self-discipline, and halal companionship. -
Work Hard and Trust Allah
Strive for livelihood, but remember Rizq comes from Allah (Qur’an 65:3). -
Communicate and Educate Your Circle
Help family and friends understand your struggles to gain support, not just pressure.
Reality and Responsibility
We all share responsibility for the evolving nature of marriage and society. The dunya is a test, shaped by our choices. No one controls it alone. Our mission is to navigate it wisely, following Allah’s commands and avoiding sin in all circumstances.
As Allah says:
“And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out and will provide for him from where he does not expect.” (Qur’an 65:2-3)
Conclusion
Marriage today may feel less sacred and more complicated, but the solution remains clear: obedience to Allah, patience in hardship, and sincere effort in faith and relationships. The natural human need for companionship is real and must be fulfilled halal. The challenge lies in balancing worldly struggles with spiritual commitment.
This life is a battlefield for the soul, but with Allah’s guidance, the test becomes a path to eternal success.